First thing I gotta say is that it obviously sounds post-production. Or dubbed, however you want to name it. There's an element of comedy that is lost when you record first and then commentate over it later. Throughout this video, I'm not exactly entertained by what is being said. It's more of, "This could've been done better." The whole feeling I get from this is very cheesy, and not the good kind.
People like to see the reaction "live." I remember a youtuber BPL got a lot of flack for post-commentating one of his MC vids. Even if you were to dub over it, it would take a whole lot of work in order to make it convincing.
The bg music and game sound is a tad bit too loud and I can barely hear your voice. So yeah, it's the post-commentary that kills it for me, honestly. Gave you a comment and a like though, since it helps :]